Personal Discovery: Change your Relationship with Self Part 3

Once we have understanding and motivation, new habits need to be formed to replace old behavior with new behavior. To do this, we have to pretty much rewire our minds so that the behavior becomes subconscious, and therefore automatic. The only way to rewire our brain is to perform a behavior or think the same thing in the same situation over and over until the brain realizes that these two things are now linked with each other instead of any previous associations. This takes diligence and consistency.

We need to do the same thing over and over again every day without skipping a day for at a month. What we are doing is changing the connections in our minds. We are replacing an old connection with a new connection in the maps in our mind, like redrawing a road from Destination A to Destination B. The more we use the new road, the more the mind becomes convinced that this is the better path to take. If even one day is skipped, the mind becomes confused and the new associations become more difficult to be formed, so we would have to start over from the beginning. Of course, new habits can be formed in less than a month but it is better to set your mind down the new path for sure than to take the risk that the habit didn’t form and have to start all over again.

Activity:

Some people may find it easier to track their progress or have a buddy check up on them everyday. You can use the Habits Worksheet [found in the worksheet section].  Write down what habits you desire to form and put it somewhere where it’s very noticeable everyday. Everyday, don’t go to bed until you’ve checked off a box. Once the 30 days are checked off, re-evaluate the how well it’s working. Keep up the good work!

The key is the diligence and consistency. Once that month is done, try for another month, and another, until it’s become a natural part of you. When you catch yourself doing the new behavior without thinking, then we can safely say that the habit has successfully formed and change has happened.

Please remember, however, every change, especially major life changes, requires a period of settling down and adjustment. Don’t rush or feel frustrated. Give yourself that leeway to struggle however much you need to. Reevaluate yourself every so often. Keep that conversation going. If you find yourself starting to become dissatisfied with yourself, find out what is causing it and determine if you really need to be dissatisfied. Sometimes satisfaction and peace can be found merely by accepting that we are wonderfully and exquisitely flawed. We should try to strike a good balance of acceptance and desire to do better. We must learn to strive but not lose ourselves along the way. It can be hard to find that balance. It can be a lifetime process but then, you have your whole lifetime to enjoy being yourself.

“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” – Mohandus Ghandi